The Battle of Old Man Kelsey's Pond

.......found in the archives of the Mayberry Historical Society among some papers donated by Mrs. Clara Edwards. I believe she had an ancestor who also served with this unit..

Capt. Taylor: Now boys, we've got us some good ground here, but we can't let the enemy drive us back into 'Ol Man Kelsey's Pond.

Sgt. Fife: You heard the man...number one, two and three...FALL IN!

Pvt. Lawson: Fall in... fall in what? What are we supposed to fall in to...the pond?

Pvt. Campbell: Oh I wish I were in the land of cotton...old times there can't be forgotten...LOOK AWAY...LOOK AWAY...

Sgt. Fife: Pipe down Otis, will ya just pipe down. Ya want the yanks ta hear us!

Pvt. Lawson: Where's your musket Andy?

Sgt Fife: Never mind Floyd. Gomer, will you get that kettle off your head and FALL IN!

Pvt Pyle: I was just havin' a thank under here. Ya wanna try it? Go ahead, have a thank, it really works.

Cpl. Uncle Joe: I thought my stew last nite had a hair in it. Huh!

Capt. Taylor: Now men, we need to line up here because them yanks is just down yonder below the hill. We need to hold them off until the reinforcements from the Mt. Pilot Roughriders can get here.

Pvt. Bass: Ah jus don't cotton to all them yanks being down here. Ah jus don't cotton to it a'tall.

Sgt Fife: Can I put a ball in my musket Ange? I have it right here in my pocket!

Pvt. Asa: Can I see your musket ball Barney? I've heard about your musket ball.

Capt. Taylor: Go ahead Barney. Just be careful!

~bang!

Pvt Lawson: Oooh, I've been hit. I think they got me.

Pvt. Campbell: Aw he didn't get you Floyd. Barney put a hole right in my canteen! Dang it anyways...where am I gonna get more shine at this hour.

Pvt. Bass: I declare I wish Romena could see me in my un-e-form. I just know she'd wanna give me a big kiss on ma mouth if she did. Don't I make a fine lookin' soldier man.

Capt. Taylor: Ya look fine, Ernest T. Just fine. Now were out of vittles, so we need to make sure we can hold this line till we can restock tomorrow.

Pvt. Lawson: But Andy, were not out of vittles. We still have these pickles that Aunt Bee sent along.

Capt. Taylor: Like I said...we're out of food for the night.

Sgt. Fife: Floyd, just toss those kerosene cucumbers in the fire to get it going again!

Cpl. Uncle Joe: Huh!